"In the South, no man is a man until his father tells him he is."

I came across this quote while I was reading about Burt Reynolds' life experiences in the book, The Games Do Count, by Brian Kilmeade. Burt accredited this quote to Rip Torn, as an explanation as to why Burt's dad could never tell him how proud he was of him - well, at least not until his dad was ninety years old.


In the book, Burt reiterated how he sought his father's approval throughout his entire life - desperately wanting to hear words like, "good game, I am proud of you son." The quote by Rip probably resonates with many men today.


When do you become a man? Of course, many cultures in this world have rituals, tests, ceremonies, etc., to officially announce that a boy has entered manhood. Unfortunately, that process isn't as clear here in the U.S. for many young men. Losing your virginity? nope. Your first drink? Nope. Getting your driver's license? Nope.

Your father telling you that you have become a man, and that he is proud of you? Maybe.


As we all know, there are many young men that do not have a father figure to provide this type of annointing. Personally, I struggled for years yearning for some type of acknowledgement. It seemed no matter what I did or what I accomplished, I was never satisfied - always wanting someone to pat me on the back with admiration or congratulations. I did get some, but it never seemed to sink in and I still carried a chip on my shoulder....feeling I still had more and more to prove to somebody.


During my maturing years, it was really left to my mom and some friends to boost my pride - the absence of a solid father figure reigned in my life. The only one even close to that figure was my grandfather, and he certainly fit the bill similar to Burt's dad - old school, ruff around the edges, not one to throw around praise.


Not until my late 20's did I finally understand what I was looking for, and I realized that I would never get it. Specifically, I just wanted a man in my life to tell me that I was a man, a good man. Well, there was no such person, and there wasn't going to be - at least not a father. After a few tears and some self-talk, I decided the epiphany was a good thing and that I could then move forward with a sense of pride in myself....that I was a good man and that my mom's and friends' words were good enough for me. Heck, even a word now and then from my grandfather carried even more weight than before.


Fortunately, both Burt and I have reconciled these feelings - in different ways of course. For me, I am looking forward to having a son one day that I can talk to about anything and everything....and I will be there as he grows into a man - and I will not hesitate to tell him so.